There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.
But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.
This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way. My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.
“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
As a fiercely hardheaded woman, I grew up on a steady diet of that quote and requests for me to calm the heck down. Strangely, this post is about what appears to be the flip side of that coin.
If you want a drink, for the love of all things glittery… go to water.
I recently mentioned that I’d been making my way through “E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality” by Pam Grout. I’ve learned that I had a big black hole where my manifestation superpowers were being wasted. (Update: Yes, I got every single one of my 24 yeses in that 48 hours! That means both this and this are a go! ) Several of the women in my community asked to hear more about my journey through the book, so here goes.
The first experiment was pretty straight forward. Just show me a sign! Within the 48 hour experiment, I had a couple of positive work things come together, plus one breathtakingly lovely surprise. I was headed out to the grocery store for a bunch of things we needed but, at the moment, couldn’t really afford. When I checked the mail, there was an unexpected $200 cash gift from a beloved family member.
While I’d been working the professional angles for… well, seven or so years, we had no idea that love offering was coming. It was a huge relief and left me feeling incredibly supported. I believe that this was exactly the point of the experiment, to reconnect me with the knowing that we are all woven deeply into the fabric of the universe. We are held. Our needs and desires matter and when we express them, the universe (or Glitter or whatever) conspires to make it so.
The first experiment felt good and left me excited to continue but the second experiment was like taking a brick to the forehead.
My commitment was to look for green cars for 48 hours. I already knew that if tuned my attention in a specific direction, I’d find what I intended to find. Still, when I realized that the 48 hours had lapsed, I got out my notebook and reread my declaration.
I hadn’t seen even a single green car in 48 hours. Not one. No green cars. For a fraction of a second, I was crushed. I felt like I’d failed. I was only on the second experiment and I hadn’t even remembered to look for the damn green cars! I thought, “Clearly, this was never going to work!” and I raced down a familiar path of self-destructive thinking at breakneck speed.
But then something wonderful happened. The Voices In My Head tackled me and whispered, “Don’t freak out. Let’s think about this. What happened? Why didn’t you see any green cars in the last 48 hours? What did you do? Where did you go?”
Where did I go? Nowhere. That’s right, my friends. I didn’t leave the damn house for two days.
Now, before you get all distracted by that, remember that I work from home and live at home. Dyani goes to work and the children (who are nearly adults now) get themselves almost anywhere they need to go in the city on bus or bike or foot since the Jetta accident rendered it useless. But when we aren’t out and about as a family, I’m here with this laptop and phone working my magic and it’s easy (far too easy) for me to act like I’m snowed in all year around.
I wanted a metaphorical drink but I wasn’t even paying enough attention to notice the absence of water!
Technically, that experiment was unsuccessful but the wake-up call was so real that I didn’t even take time to repeat it. Message received loud and clear! I’m moving on to the next one as we speak.
How many of us are wishing for stuff at the exact same time that we withdraw from the very experiences that might make our wishes might come true?
Can you see how that might be at play in your life? What can you do differently to give yourself a chance? Where do you need to be showing up, or with whom do you need to connect? Are you asking for what you need and desire? Once you do, are you giving yourself the opportunity for it to flow to you?
I’m reading a new book. It includes several manifestation experiments to help us see that much more is possible than we currently realize. For the fourth experiment, I declared my bold intention to get 24 yeses in 48 hours. It’s not the first time I had my world rocked by one of these experiments but this work is too important to not share. (Maybe I’ll share the first one, too.)
The first thing that I found worth noting is that it felt *so* scary to write down my intention!
I felt afraid that I would be disappointed if I didn’t get them and afraid I’d end up further doubting my own power/ability to attract what I need and desire. I felt especially afraid because it’s a big week here with the 4th Anniversary Tame Your Space workshop starting Saturday and I really, really, really want more people to join us. This work is crazy powerful and it means so much to be able to do it and people not saying yes has, in the past, been all manner of hard on my heart. Basically, it felt like I was backing myself into a corner with only one (really hard to believe) way out.
But I took a deep breath and committed anyway.
In my notebook–The Notebook, the one write in every day-ish, as opposed to an index card or piece of paper I could just recycle if the outcome was something I wanted to forget–I declared my intention to get 24 yeses in 48 hours and listed the numbers 1 through 24.
Then I stretched beyond my oh-so-tender-big-girl-pants commitment and boldly shared my intention with The Beautiful One (my partner, Dyani). I didn’t do that on the first three experiments. (Yes, that’s me admitting to being a closeted manifestation experimenter.) I wanted to share it with her because it felt so intimidating and she’s masterful at holding space for me and my dreams. I wanted to be seen and supported. It was a little push back against the bully in my head who was already whispering about the impossibility of all of this.
Last night, nearly halfway through the 48 hours, Dyani asked if I’d gotten all of my yeses. I said that no, I’d only gotten two so far–one Tame Your Space registration and one commitment for a private Spirit Gathering for a group of girlfriends.
She called bullshit.
I said, “No, seriously. I only got two and I have only 27 hours to go!”
She called bullshit again.
I paused, realizing I was missing something, and asked why she was calling bullshit. She clarified, “Are these only professional yeses?” No, I welcomed all yeses, both personal and professional. What follows is a copy of our conversation (via text because she was at work).
Me: Did I miss yeses?
Dyani: I said probably 10 today.
Me: Tell me one.
Dyani: You asked me if you misunderstood something. I said yes.
Me: That’s TRUE! And I asked if I could have a hug and you said yes.
Dyani: You asked if I was I ready for dinner.
Dyani: You suck at keeping count.
Me That’s true. I’m adding these to my list right now.
The second epic reality check for me is obvious, right?
I suck at keeping count! I didn’t even freaking notice YESES rolling in!
It’s like that thing I experienced when I bought my first Jeep. Suddenly, I saw them everywhere. It happened again when I bought my Jetta. Every other car on the road was magically just like mine. When I bring something new into my awareness, all of the “like” things rise up from the land of invisibility and into my line of sight. I recognize what I know and now that I tuned my vision to see yeses last night, I’m seeing them everywhere.
In fact, when I started that late night conversation with The Beautiful One, I recognized only two yeses but by the time I woke up this morning, I had 12! I’ve received two more yeses to the Tame Your Space Master Class workshop while writing this blog post. And those are BIG yeses since I wasn’t even planning to offer that workshop in September but one of my graduates requested it in the night and three more grads immediately said yes! In seven hours, I had half of the eight people necessary for me to offer it.
So right now, I have sixteen hours and 10 more yeses to go. I no longer feel afraid of coming up short. In fact, it would be pretty easy to double my goal at this pace.
Once again, everything feels different now. I want to collaborate on a much larger scale and it’s clear that I get what I want. So look out, Unruly Woman! The various invitations have been extended and your YES has been requested. I’ll just be over here collecting my yeses until yours arrives!
Note: The book in question is “E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality” by Pam Grout. You can find it here on Amazon. I really enjoyed reading it and it absolutely shook up the way I see what’s possible. Mission accomplished.
When the intensity of life overwhelms you, it’s an invitation to be more loving with yourself.
I can imagine the look on your face as you read those words: When things are at their worst, you want me to be more loving with myself?
Yes, that’s what you have to do. That’s how you heal, how you get through those tender times. And I know that you mean to, you really do, but you just keep not doing it. You keep making choices that serve others and leave you with nothing to spare. You do so much, but you don’t know to be loving with yourself. I get it. It happens to me, too.
The following is an invitation. It’s a mind game that you can use to help guide you back to a more loving relationship with yourself.
Imagine that I’ve called to tell you that I know a woman who needs support. I have a place for her to go to heal from the traumatic life she just fled, but that the place cannot receive her for another week. I ask you if she can stay with you until then. You agree and I bring her over.
Imagine that while talking to her, you find that she’s lived as many years as you, and her childhood looked just like yours. She has loved as you’ve loved, and she’s worked jobs like the ones you’ve had throughout your life. She’s lived like you—not just the good stuff, but the heartaches and traumas and pain, too. She is you. Just yesterday, before coming to be with you, she was living like you. She too received the diagnosis (or left the relationship or experienced whatever it is) that has you realizing that now is the time to be more loving with yourself.
What would you do with her? How would you treat her during this week, the first week since she broke away from the life she was living, the very life that was threatening to overcome her?
You’d be gentle with her. You would listen to her stories with an open heart and undivided attention. You would speak to her with a loving voice. You would prepare foods that would nurture and heal her body. You would make sure she had water to drink and a safe place to sleep many, many hours. You would offer her whatever support you have to offer, and you would connect her with healers who can also support her. You would play music and do art and try to make her laugh.
You would be her friend. You would be loving with her. You would love her.
You would do these things. I know you would. Your heart is full of love—love that you extend endlessly to those around you.
This is the same love you need today. Do it. Give it. Love yourself as you would this guest. You are worthy. Yes, I’m sure.
There are many, many ways to shift our thinking. Some of them happen to us and others we choose to use to replace old ways of being with new, more useful ways of being. For fun, I call the ones we choose to use mind games and I’m going to share them with you as part of the daily inspirational treasures published here at Camp Christy. These are very powerful tools and I hope you’ll add them to your greenhouse for later. (Or now, I suppose, if you’re having that kind of day.)
In any given scary or overwhelming situation, take a moment to imagine your worst-case scenario.
How bad can it be? Take time to imagine the least favorable outcomes for this situation. What would you do? How would you deal with it? How would it make you feel?
The worst-case scenario mind game helps us imagine what we might actually have to face if we don’t get done what we are trying to get done. Usually, there are physical world considerations (money, time, etc.) but also there is an emotional fall out that we are trying to find a way to avoid. And that surge of emotions we are (pointlessly) trying to avoid isn’t just about the situation at hand, it’s calling forth all of the similar untended emotional baggage from the past.
I’ve always said that rock bottom is little more than a solid place to stand. So, let’s really look at what’s possible here. Poke at your potential crisis and get to know what’s on the line for you. Imagine yourself living out that situation. Really lean into the way that this particular outcome would make you feel. Take a few deep breaths and really feel it.
Have you got it? Good. Now, think about how far your willing to go to keep that from happening.
Almost every time, I’ve found that the generalized, unexplored fear is more terrifying than the true emotions that taking action. Think of the situation which weighs heavy on your heart right now. Imagine the worst case scenario. Is it really so unbearable? Is it so scary that you will refuse to move? What can you do to keep it from happening? How far will you go? What will inaction cost you? Are you willing to pay that toll?