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I Love You and Thank You

It's been three months since Michael died. When The Beautiful One returned from her last visit with him and his devoted life partner Jody, she knew much more intimately the . . . [Read More]

Unruly Books: Is Home Your Happy Place? (June)

We are going to read my book Is Home Your Happy Place? together. I know, I know. How exciting might it be to read a book about clutter? Well, it's not . . . [Read More]

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Unruly Rants


There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.

But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.

This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way.  My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.

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November 5, 2015

Recycled Heartbreak

Do you ever show up in your life in a way you vowed you never would?

Most of the time, when tender situations arise between me and someone else, I feel equipped to do what I can to tend it. After assessing the situation, I figure out the unmet need or desire, and do what makes sense. It’s not always a party but it’s doable. The situation and the action I take in return work well together. Usually, I have what it takes to take care of my business.

At other times, I seriously feel like I’m going to lose it. An old, violent, wounded part of me rises up and tries to take over.

I feel like yelling and the words that fill my mouth are hateful and unproductive. I want to hurl them, like hot coals, at the source of my rage. It feels like my blood is boiling inside my veins. My thoughts are dark and angry, the life that was dreamy just a few minutes ago suddenly feels hopeless. The anger tries to consume me. 

But anger is not the only emotion that becomes extremely intense when I’m triggered. Fear can literally take my breath away. Sadness threatens to swallow me whole. I’m sometimes completely paralyzed by uncertainty. 
When the feelings are so big we can’t bear to experience them — pushing us to unleash that intensity on someone else or simply run away from it all — it is because regular every day emotions are being over-amplified by our old wounds. Suddenly, the actions we are tempted to take are way out of proportion to the situation at hand. 

When we are triggered and we release that toxic energy back into the world, we are perpetuating the very same violence that created the wound within us.

Is it hard to feel that surge and not release it? Hell yes, it’s one of the hardest things we will ever do.
But if we don’t do the work — find a healthy way to process that trigger and heal that wound — we allow that addictive cycle to level up again. We, the ones who were once the wounded child, become the abuser and the people we love become our victims.
Far too often, the violence we perpetuate is against ourselves.

We must take a stand. We must do this work. We must cultivate healing and open our own hearts. Otherwise, we keep giving birth to more of the same damned heartbreak.
THIS is what’s happening in the Trigger Happy Holidays workshop. We will learn how to identify triggers and we will learn the HEALTHY ways to process them and heal our hearts. We begin on Saturday. Click here to learn more and join us. You deserve the support it takes to heal. 

Newsletter love from 11/15/15. Click here to join the mailing list!

Nicole Pierce via Flickr
As always, if you need support, I’m here.