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It's been three months since Michael died. When The Beautiful One returned from her last visit with him and his devoted life partner Jody, she knew much more intimately the . . . [Read More]

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Unruly Rants

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There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.

But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.

This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way.  My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.

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November 10, 2016

Why Does This Feel SO Bad?

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This is about reality of this situation (which is an actual situation that will need to be faced and dealt with) PLUS **triggers** from old unprocessed/unhealed wounds. This candidate and this election and those who voted in his favor have come to represent some of our worst old pain. He’s showing up in the energy of those who molested or hurt us, those who betrayed us, those who made us feel unloved or unsafe, those who put their own needs ahead of ours, those who oppressed us.

And those parts of us, because we were probably very young, may not have had the support to heal properly. This intensity is rising now, because of the election triggers, which allows us to feel what needs to be felt so we can heal.

We feel powerless today because we were powerless when we were little children but we are not powerless today.

We are adults now.

We can support ourselves in healing these wounds. We can support our country in learning and growing from the reality we created. We can support one another.

We can, and we must, extend love and support to one another at this tender time. This is how we bring love. This is how we perpetuate that light we are so desperately seeking.

If you feel afraid, feel it deeply, and then find a way to be shelter for someone with less political power than you. If you feel sad, feel sad. Feel it deeply and cry the big ugly cry. And then hold space for someone else who feels sad. If you feel angry, allow the anger to rise and find a safe way to get it out of your body. Lock yourself in the car in the garage and scream until you cannot scream anymore, punch the pillows on your bed, or swing a hammer over and over and over again into a tire or piece of wood, anything that can receive it without more pain. And then find someone whose anger threatens to consume them and show them how to heal without perpetuating more violence into the world.

We’ve been training for this. We are ready. Let us take space to heal these old wounds because we have a lot of work to do and we can no longer afford to be paralyzed by our emotional triggers.

If you need support, I am here. And don’t just “know” that I’m here. Reach out, schedule a session, read these messages from TVIMH, actively seek healing. DO something to get what you need. The world is waiting for you.

As always, if you need support, I’m here.
August 1, 2016

Where the Silence Once Lived

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desperately seeking self
truth pulsing, pounding
calling you into the storm
the past rises to meet you

old hurt churns and swells
pushing into the sacred space
where the silence once lived
be brave enough to let it leave

eyes burn and stomach turns
be still and open your soul
lean into the waves
sing the old, sad song

breathe in, breathe out
dive deep into intensity
surrender to the waves
as they crash within you

the little one cries
you taste her tears
her hurt echos in your ears
stay with her and witness

be the one she needs
hold her as the old tears flow
teach truth, love completely
gift her the magic of laughter

the storm rises now to leave you
it has come to free you
to allow you to be you, completely
united again with the little one

where the silence once lived
your heart now opens in the world
one truth, one voice, whole again
Find your voice and use it to speak
____
Once, our hearts were broken and we’ve carried those wounds inside us for many, many moons. When those old emotions rise up and threaten to carry us away, it is tempting to fight, or disconnect, or numb, but we are stronger than that now. We are waking up to our spiritual selves and learning to live in alignment with our integrity. We are ready to heal the old hurts, to free ourselves, to find our voice and use it to align with the truth of who we are.

In August, the Unruly Essentials theme is FIND YOUR VOICE. We have fallen silent for a thousand reasons — mostly old heartbreak from early abuse, sexual assault, abusive partnerships, etc. — but it doesn’t have to be this way. This month we will dig into the source of your silence and take back your power. If this feels true for you, if it’s time to find your voice again, join us.

Learn more and register here:www.theunrulywoman.com/essentials

Image Credit: Christina Xu via Flickr

As always, if you need support, I’m here.
March 25, 2016

Unruly Confessions: I Have Not Been To The Dentist In 15 Years

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****Trigger Warning**** This post contains information about recovering from sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

“Going to the dentist cannot be part of my self-care because it triggers memories of being orally raped.  I have not been to the dentist in 15 years and I’m afraid my teeth are going to fall out.”

Dear Unruly Woman,

We all have our stuff, you know? Literally, every single person I know has something they’ve resisted doing because of old wounds. You are not alone in this struggle and you don’t have to be alone on the journey back to health.

If you were my friend, I’d grab your hands, lean in real close, and tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way. I would promise you that there’s a way to make dental care feel possible if that’s what you want. We would talk about the trauma, how much healing work you’ve done, and what it would take for you to feel safe in a dentist’s chair.

I would ask if you know any dentists that feel safe. If not, I’d ask if  you would be willing for me to ask around to find one who is sensitive to your needs. (I have oodles of women in my community who are rocking life after trauma, so referrals like this are usually easy to find.) I’d make calls and find a list of just right providers to consider.

We’d meet again to talk about the list of options. I’d tell you how they responded to my inquiry, why I felt like they could be trusted, and what all they were willing to do to help you feel safe. If any of them resonated for you, I’d ask permission to make an appointment for us to visit them to talk about what’s possible. If it felt true for you, we would go check them out — share your concerns, ask questions about what lies ahead, and listen to their ideas about how to help you feel safe. If it went brilliantly and you felt ready, we’d make an appointment to have your teeth cleaned.

We’d make a plan for that day. I’d go with you if you wanted. Hell, I’d gather an Unruly village to go with you, if that’s what it takes to make you feel safe.  I’d go back with you. I’d hold your hand. The dentist would explain their every move before they made it. If at any point you felt even remotely unsafe, the dentist would stop and wait for you to be ready to proceed. If you were unable to continue, we’d leave and come back when you are ready to begin again. We’d do this as many times as it takes for you to heal these wounds and meet your dental needs.

(There’s also something called sedation dentistry, which allows you to be asleep while your dental work is done. If the trigger is so extreme that it couldn’t be released with less intense approaches — and assuming you could feel safe under those conditions — that’s another option we could explore.)

If you were my friend and you lived here in Minneapolis, I know exactly where I’d take you. Our family dentist and her extraordinary team would give you as much time and energy as necessary to help you feel safe enough to proceed with treatment. I know this because they held my hand off and on for the last year. Before we found them, it had been nearly 10 years since my last dental visit.

If you can make these calls and have these powerful conversations with dentists, do it. If you can’t, ask someone who loves you to help. If you can’t bear that, email me and I’ll help you figure out how to find a safe place to secure dental care in your city. I have no idea how all of this will land (or if you’ll ever even read it) but I want you to remember the most important part.

You deserve this. Yes, I’m sure.

You deserve to fully recover from this pain. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to be supported. You deserve to release every single thing that keeps you from loving your body. You deserve to have your needs and desires met. You deserve to say yes to you.

I can feel that you have already healed hundreds of little pieces of the fallout from this trauma. When you’re ready to tend to this one, you will heal it too.

Love and truth to you,

Christy, The Unruly Woman

Click here to submit your Unruly Confessions & Unsigned Mail. Some Unruly Confessions and Unsigned Mail (with my responses) will be published in Incite, my (ideally) daily attempt to incite unruliness in our community via email. Go here and register to spice up your inbox or ask questions without the cloak of anonymity.

Alena Navarro- Whyte via Flickr
As always, if you need support, I’m here.