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I Love You and Thank You

It's been three months since Michael died. When The Beautiful One returned from her last visit with him and his devoted life partner Jody, she knew much more intimately the . . . [Read More]

Unruly Books: Is Home Your Happy Place? (June)

We are going to read my book Is Home Your Happy Place? together. I know, I know. How exciting might it be to read a book about clutter? Well, it's not . . . [Read More]

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Unruly Rants


There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.

But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.

This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way.  My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.

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May 5, 2014

Lesson Seven: Cultivate Community


Gather around you a small group of sane, deeply committed brothers and sisters. They needn’t be normal, but sanity that is anchored in the high end of the recovery spectrum supports all of you a great deal.

Find the courage that it takes to reveal your truth to them. It needn’t be your entire truth, at least not in the beginning, as you will not have access to any more of it than has been revealed on any given day. Once you know who are, though, show them. As you discover more, show them that too.

Ask them to mirror back to you that which you’ve already discovered about yourself at the times when you forget. Trust me, sometimes we just loose our damned minds. You won’t want to be reminded, but they will show you. Try your best not to behave badly.

If you do behave badly, allow them to take a few steps back and watch from the safety of the outer edge of your life. It’s cruel and unusual to ask them to stand in the fire with you. If you must once again dance at the hellish center of your fire, go on and do it, but leave them out of it. Your fire is yours. They have their own.

Do all of these same things for them. Do them to the best of your ability. Sometimes, this will be absolutely dreadful, because that’s the way it works. Sometimes we just suck at this. We’re too triggered or distracted or human to do the right thing. That’s okay. Do your best.

Laugh together. It may help to count the laughs when you’re going through a particularly challenging spell. Cry together, too.

You will each show up in whatever way is most true for you. Some will make their journey more publicly than others. That’s perfect. Balance is a magical thing. You cannot cultivate it intentionally, but if you allow into your heart those who are open and mostly sane, and who wish to be there, you’ll find yourself with a blissful balance of all of the things that you need to be for one another.

Love them and, perhaps even more important, allow them to love you. Consider yourself warned, though: It’s usually harder to receive love than to give it. Stick with it. Their love will heal you, and your love will heal them. It’s a beautiful thing.

This soul family will ebb and flow throughout your days. Accept that flow, even if it terrifies you. Release those relationships, even the coveted ones, when they no longer feel true for you and you will make space within your circle for those who resonate with your truth.

amanda.venner via Flickr
As always, if you need support, I’m here.