There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.
But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.
This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way. My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.
I recently heard to share my own “letting go” stories for a series called “The Heart of Clean Slate” about the deep personal evolution I’ve experienced throughout the three years I’ve been offering this workshop.
I started strong with this, this, and this and last night the words came to a dramatic halt. Was I afraid to continue to show my heart, to tell you my stories? Maybe so–I’m always open to that–but it honestly doesn’t feel like fear.
I’ve been digging into the depths of memory to find particularly intimate, powerful, or even painful (so desperate) Clean Slate stories. And I just realized that the fact that I’m having a hard time recalling them actually tells far more about the power of this process than the stories would.
And when I let go of that stuff I let go of the stories they represented.
Years ago, The Voices In My Head showed me an image of us toting around trunks filled with souvenirs representing old untended fears, heartbreaks, and other unresolved matters of heart. Some of us drag them behind us, others strap them on our backs, and still others search for emotionally over-competent (read: codependent) people to manage ours for us.
The work that I do with my clients is about unpacking their trunks and, of course, I have my own to unpack. I’ve done a great many things to unload the emotional baggage that was weighing me down when I started this personal evolution journey–writing, studying, dancing, therapy, coaching, energy healing, body work, etc.
And because I wholeheartedly believe that the state of my inner world is reflected in my physical space–Yes, I said that my emotional and mental well being are reflected in my home–tending to my physical space was vital to that healing journey. I had to practice what I preached to my clients.
I had to release what no longer served me.
I did it. I’ve been doing it for three years and I will continue to do it as I evolve into newer truer versions of myself. I do it because I know my space can hold me where I no longer want to be or my space can be the kind of environment that calls me home to the truth of who I am.
Does that mean I don’t have any more Clean Slate stories of my own to tell? No, I’ve found a few to share with you. But they may not be as sexy as I’d hoped they would be. I released the stuff that no longer serves me and the pain and heat and heartbreak are gone, too. My space is simple and powerful and full of truth… and my heart is finally free.
Clean Slate: Moving from Chaos to Clarity begins on October 27th. Register here: theunrulywoman.com/cleanslate.