There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.
But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.
This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way. My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.
“I am so grateful the children aren’t coming home this afternoon. You know… just the peace and quiet?” – whispered by me, just now
Dyani and I are working at our dining room table. She is shoulder deep in studies and I have priestess/journal/work/website vision/notes spread out in true mad scientist form. I’m creating something. A new website? A new life? A new me? The true versions of all of those bits?
I’m not really sure but either way, we’ve been at it all day and it is going brilliantly. I realize it’s almost time for school to end and was flooded with relief that both teenagers have plans and won’t be home until curfew.
To be clear, I love them. Endlessly.
But also… silence.
I ache for silence and stillness and the sacred space to do the deep visioning work that’s required today. I ache to connect with myself and with the one who has my heart. I ache to catch up communication with my clients and soul sisters.
I ache to tend to my heart and my truth and my business. And that’s hard to do when the children are here.
It scares me a little to speak it. Guilt starts to rise and I whisper, “There aren’t many places where it feels safe to admit that.” I feel flooded with gratitude that Dyani totally understands the sacred dance between my mothering and the rest of me. I add, “I suppose that means I should say it to the Unruly Women?”
She said, “Yes, it does.” I went to post it in the private Facebook group I created for Unruly Women to connect and support one another.
But why only a secret place?
I’m afraid people will judge me. I’m terrified my children would be hurt if they read it.
And so, I’ll share it here instead. Because truth. Bold ass, scary truth.
I’m saying (typing) it out loud (here on my blog) because… well, I am me and shining light on the oppressive darkness is what I do.
Much love, Christy
The Unruly Woman
Seth and Kira, if you ever read this, I hope you’ll remember these four things: