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Unruly Rants


There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.

But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.

This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way.  My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.

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August 27, 2015

Manifestation Experiment Tip #2: Go Where You Can Get What You Want!


“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” 

As a fiercely hardheaded woman, I grew up on a steady diet of that quote and requests for me to calm the heck down. Strangely, this post is about what appears to be the flip side of that coin.

If you want a drink, for the love of all things glittery… go to water. 

I recently mentioned that I’d been making my way through “E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality” by Pam Grout.  I’ve learned that I had a big black hole where my manifestation superpowers were being wasted. (Update: Yes, I got every single one of my 24 yeses in that 48 hours! That means both this and this are a go! ) Several of the women in my community asked to hear more about my journey through the book, so here goes.

The first experiment was pretty straight forward. Just show me a sign! Within the 48 hour experiment, I had a couple of positive work things come together, plus one breathtakingly lovely surprise. I was headed out to the grocery store for a bunch of things we needed but, at the moment, couldn’t really afford. When I checked the mail, there was an unexpected $200 cash gift from a beloved family member.

While I’d been working the professional angles for… well, seven or so years, we had no idea that love offering was coming. It was a huge relief and left me feeling incredibly supported. I believe that this was exactly the point of the experiment, to reconnect me with the knowing that we are all woven deeply into the fabric of the universe. We are held. Our needs and desires matter and when we express them, the universe (or Glitter or whatever) conspires to make it so.

The first experiment felt good and left me excited to continue but the second experiment was like taking a brick to the forehead.

My commitment was to look for green cars for 48 hours. I already knew that if tuned my attention in a specific direction, I’d find what I intended to find. Still, when I realized that the 48 hours had lapsed, I got out my notebook and reread my declaration.

Huge fail.

I hadn’t seen even a single green car in 48 hours. Not one. No green cars. For a fraction of a second, I was crushed. I felt like I’d failed. I was only on the second experiment and I hadn’t even remembered to look for the damn green cars! I thought, “Clearly, this was never going to work!” and I raced down a familiar path of self-destructive thinking at breakneck speed.

But then something wonderful happened. The Voices In My Head tackled me and whispered, “Don’t freak out. Let’s think about this. What happened? Why didn’t you see any green cars in the last 48 hours? What did you do? Where did you go?”


Where did I go? Nowhere. That’s right, my friends. I didn’t leave the damn house for two days.

Now, before you get all distracted by that, remember that I work from home and live at home. Dyani goes to work and the children (who are nearly adults now) get themselves almost anywhere they need to go in the city on bus or bike or foot since the Jetta accident rendered it useless. But when we aren’t out and about as a family, I’m here with this laptop and phone working my magic and it’s easy (far too easy) for me to act like I’m snowed in all year around.

I wanted a metaphorical drink but I wasn’t even paying enough attention to notice the absence of water! 

Technically, that experiment was unsuccessful but the wake-up call was so real that I didn’t even take time to repeat it. Message received loud and clear! I’m moving on to the next one as we speak.

How many of us are wishing for stuff at the exact same time that we withdraw from the very experiences that might make our wishes might come true?

Can you see how that might be at play in your life? What can you do differently to give yourself a chance? Where do you need to be showing up, or with whom do you need to connect? Are you asking for what you need and desire? Once you do, are you giving yourself the opportunity for it to flow to you?

DixieHwy via Flickr
As always, if you need support, I’m here.