There was this piece of me—a young, vulnerable, desperate piece of me—who begged for someone to finally just tell me who the hell I was supposed to be, or do, or what my life was supposed to be about. Every time life intensified, waves of hysteria would swell from deep within me, the fear that I’d get it wrong… that I couldn’t trust myself to know what was true for me. I felt terrified that, without external guidance, my life would be wasted.
But then I started to explore what one of my early teachers called “the spirituality of the self”. I studied the way I reacted to the world around me, the way I allowed certain relationships, circumstances, and experiences to affect me. I learned I was powerful, far more powerful than I’d ever imagined, and that I could change reality by changing the way I was showing up in the world. In time, I released what no longer served me and made space for my truth to become my life. The artist, the lover, the priestess, the mother, the healer, the dancer, the writer . . . one discovery at a time, I hosted a reunion of the pieces of my soul.
This transformation was possible because of the supports I cultivated for myself along the way. My blog is an extension of my journals. I use it to share the lessons I’ve learned, powerful resources, and inspiring stories of my clients’ transformations. Dig in and find the information and inspiration you need today and keep coming back when you need another dose! If you can’t find what you’re looking for, email me your question and I’ll see what I can find for you.
This morning—desperately searching for something meaningful in this day—I started with dance. After months dancing more and more regularly, I suddenly fell madly in love with the moment after the music begins that I just breathe and wait. I don’t know if I even have words to describe why it struck me so powerfully but it did. It was powerful, or rather empowering, to wait for the beat that was perfect for me. I said no, respectfully of course, to those who came before mine. They were lovely, just not mine. When it right for me to move, I knew and the movement that followed was everything I needed it to be.
The courage it takes to say no to what is not true for me is new. It still scares me when I think about saying no to a business opportunity—a not quite right potential client, a pro bono speaking gig that I already learned doesn’t cultivate new business, a barter invitation that isn’t for something I need. It’s hard to say no sometimes, but on some level I know that those choices are clearing the path to what is true for me.
Since that moment, old movies played back to back in the theatre of my mind. I’ve watched hundreds, maybe thousands of times that I consumed food that was convenient instead of waiting for what my body really wanted. I watched myself purchase clothes that “would do” because I didn’t have the courage to wait for the pants that help me feel both comfortable and confident. There were friendships and lovers, experiences and encounters, things and places and even thoughts… all that I accepted for fear that the truth–My Truth–would not arrive.
It’s a the kind of awareness that hurts the heart. So much of my most sacred resources—time, energy, and spirit–invested in that which carried me further from myself. So much clutter, so much pain, all because I couldn’t hear my own voice calling me home.
Blessedly, this is also a day for celebration. This realization cannot come without changing my life. Of course, it can. I just won’t allow it. No more. My choice is my power. What’s true for me is worth waiting for.
What about you, Wild One? In every moment, you have nothing more sacred than your choice. What ever will you do with all of this potential? Does this resonate for you? Are there times that you’ve settled for less that what’s true for you? What did it cost you? Are you willing to continue to pay that price, to sacrifice yourself in this way? How can you choose to be true to YOU?
Pick one thing, make space to cultivate that shift this week, and watch it spread into other areas of your life. Let me know how it’s going and remember that if you need support, I’m here.