releasing codependency

Because it doesn’t have to be this way.

Twenty years ago, my best friend called me in frustration. She launched right in, “I’ve read the books. I’ve gone to solo, couples, AND group therapy. I know that I am codependent but, like, what is it? What is codependency? I need to understand what it is to stop doing it.”

It’s a great question. What is codependency?

We’d been trying to find our way through it for a few years. She asked the question, and we just sat there in silence, waiting for something useful to magically fall from my mouth. Finally, I said, “If living in action is our ideal way of living, then codependency is living in reaction.” It took everything in me to keep my mouth closed afterward, but I knew that if I opened it, more words would flood out and carry us back to the original question.

Codependency is living in reaction.

We aren’t initiating, deciding, and choosing what we want in our relationships, schedules, and to-do lists. We are reacting, often overreacting to the people, expectations, and endless line of care tasks that fall in our collective lap.

You’re probably still nodding your head if you made it this far. Yes, this is what we are doing.

We’re reacting to our boss’ endless flood of big ideas and our partners’ sensitivities.
We’re reacting to children’s moods and the expectations of our parents.
We’re reacting to phones ringing and beeping, and mail and dishes piling up.
We’re reacting to other people’s needs and the loudest calls to action instead of being intentional and effective.
We’re reacting to old stories and fears about the future.
We’re reacting to what is on fire instead of what matters most to us.

We are exhausted.

Life doesn’t have to feel this way.

But what now? How do we get from recognizing ourselves in the definition of codependency to taking action in our own lives? How do we go from identifying as codependent to clarity and boundaries that will bring the relief we so desperately need?

RELEASING CODEPENDENCY is a 13-session interactive teaching series from me (Christy Diane Farr). I’m thrilled to fold 25 years of personal codependency work and 13 years as a life coach into this practical, one-time series examining codependency as it manifests in all areas of life. We will explore the expertise of codependency groundbreakers like Melody Beattie and the newer, more diverse voices of Nedra Glover Tawwab, Dr. Nzinga Harrison and others.

We will employ research, story healing, and personal reflection to understand how codependency shows up differently for all of us. There will be time for Q&A to conclude each session. For additional support, I will follow up after each session with journaling prompts for personal processing. Lastly, the season pass includes 20% off private sessions. All sessions will include closed captions. Recordings and transcripts will be provided.

The tentative schedule for this first season of Releasing Codependency is as follows. We will meet on Zoom from 7-9 PM Central for the live sessions. You can pick individual sessions or buy a season pass for unlimited access!

2022
11/11 Codependency: Introduction
11/18 Codependency and Partnership - Resentment Kills Romance: Save Your Love From Codependency
12/9 Codependency and Work - Tired & Trying: Not GOOD Enough to Fix Capitalism
12/16 Codependency and Self-employment

2023
1/6 Codependency and Health & Self-Care
1/20 Codependency and Parenting
2/3 Codependency and Family of Origin
2/17 Codependency and Life Purpose/Passion
3/3 Codependency and Caregiving
3/24 Codependency and Money
4/7 Codependency and Volunteering/Activism
4/21 Codependency and Addiction
5/5 Codependency and Friendship

Register now:

RANDOM EXTRAS FOR BRAINS THAT WANT MORE

Other definitions of codependency:
Melody Beattie says codependency is the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another.

Nedra Glover Tawwab says, “codependency is an unhealthy way that people attach to others by neglecting themselves, enmeshing with others, and where one or both people depend on each other for satisfaction and worth.”

Dr. Nzinga Harrison says codependency is when “I have to be in a relationship no matter whether the consequences are negative or not. And so even though I know this relationship is causing me harm, it’s so scary or uncomfortable not to be in a relationship that I would take that harm over no relationship.”