you tell me you are usually okay
you are strong
you do a lot and can usually manage it
but this is different; everything is piling up
the things you need to do
and what he needs to do
that he keeps not doing
what your therapist says to make him do
you tell me it feels overwhelming
you feel paralyzed by the weight
you just want to lie down in the bed and stay
you can’t keep going
this is an emergency
this is not a test
you are depleted
you are in danger
you feel empty
but he keeps taking
you pay with your mind, body, and spirit
bills he runs up trying to outrun himself
you ask why you feel so guilty
one - the fucking patriarchy
two - the family who showed you how to wife
three - the manipulation
you ask how to stop feeling so guilty
one - fuck the patriarchy
two - identify and release what they taught you
three - this one is the hardest
manipulation is broken by distance
learn about codependency and recovery
stop taking his bait, refuse to mother him
day to day, moment to moment, take different action
you tell me how he used to be such a good guy
the truth is: he used to run good game
you are a millionaire in monopoly money
cash out, stand up, he falls
____
I wrote this piece after a session with a woman who is untangling herself from mothering her soon-to-be ex-husband. Even if you want to stay, this spell can help you break toxic patterns of codependency. She gave me permission to share this here for anyone else who needs it. If you need support, I am here.
Image: Benjamin Balázs via Canva
